


What Else Would I Use It For?

by HPFandom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Explicit Language, Humor, M/M, Parody, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-21
Updated: 2007-02-21
Packaged: 2018-10-01 12:52:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10190288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFandom_archivist/pseuds/HPFandom_archivist
Summary: Harry comes home to find Draco in the kitchen brandishing a rolling pin - never a good thing!





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

**Disclaimer** \- I own nothing but an LJ account and a wonderful flist.

**Warnings** \- Sexual situations, adult language, toys (kind of), rimming, very light bondage. Fluff/Smut/Lemon fic with no discernable plot

**Beta** \- The pretty, shiny, understands-about-the-importance-of-caffeine-and-cookies Genlisae!!!

 

**Authors Ramblings** \- Genlisae asked for some comment porn and left a prompt which turned into a rabid smut fic. 

 

 

It had, as per usual, been a long day in the United Kingdom Ministry for Magic Auror Department. The war had been won, the losses tallied against the gains, everyone had decided the war had been a success, and life had carried on. Harry had done the expected and become an Auror, swiftly rising to Deputy Head of the department, under the formidable Alastor Moody. He'd done the 'I kind of expected this' and used some of his considerable fortune (he was the heir to three estates after all) to open an orphanage for the children affected by the war, specifically those with Dark or Creature heritages.

Then he'd done the completely unthinkable and married Draco Malfoy.

Ginny still wasn't over it, though things were getting better between them, helped in great amounts by the fact Neville Longbottom was pursuing Ginny like a gentleman from a sonnet. Under such declarations of love, the youngest Weasley really had no choice but to move on.

And now, after a day which included no less than three death threats, and the promise to 'wreak vengeance on your demon spawn' from a mad witch throwing exploding cats at her Muggle neighbours, Harry was ready for home and the arms of his beautiful husband. And a beer. Or five.

Warding the office behind him, Harry apparated straight into the entrance hall of their town house and smiled softly. He'd never tire of the feeling of warm, accepting wards washing over him, telling him he was home. Heading straight into the kitchen for the first of his beers, he was greeted with the sight of his husband holding a rolling pin.

"Draco?"

"Hey, you're home. Good day?"

"Yeah…the usual…what's that?"

"Rolling pin. I didn’t even know we had one, but I found it while I was looking for the corkscrew. Come with me."

Harry was too bemused to do anything other than follow Draco into their bedroom. That was his second mistake. The first had been not pushing the rolling pin issue while they were still on equal footing. His third mistake was the biggest. His third mistake was turning his back on Draco for just a second, to hang his robe on the hook by the wardrobe. A second was all it took for his husband to pounce on him, forcing him swiftly onto the bed and murmuring the spell that made the velvet ties permanently attached to the posts of their bed come to life and wrap around Harry's wrists and ankles.

"Draco!"

"Mmmm, you look so pretty like this, all spread out for me like a good little slut."

"Dray! M'tired!"

"And I'm horny. I've been sat on my ass all day doing sweet nothing. I had to resort to drinking wine in the afternoon!"

"You drunk then?"

"Nope. Now shush, I'm not above gagging you while I carry out my evil master plan."

Harry shivered slightly, and felt his cock twitching in interest. His clothes were removed with a simple spell and the feel of Draco's cock pressing into the dip at the base of his spine told him that his lover was naked too. Harry moaned gently as kisses were decorated over his neck and shoulder blades, Draco's tongue exploring the hills and valleys of Harry's muscular back. Harry moaned again, resting his head on the pillows, content to let Draco take charge and just enjoy the sensations.

Draco smiled, and moved down Harry's body. The brunette always made the same mistake; he never questioned Draco's motives until it was too late. And Draco exploited this mercilessly in all areas of their life, but especially in the bedroom. Making himself comfortable on the bed between Harry's spread thighs, Draco used his hands to part his husbands buttocks and then blew cold air over the tight pink pucker, watching it spasm frantically.

"Dra-a-co!"

Smirking, Draco lowered his head and pressed his tongue flat against Harry's entrance, just pressing down for a moment as the taste of his lover exploded over his tongue. Squirming around to give him more room to manoeuvre, Draco spread Harry wider before setting to his task in earnest. No part of Harry's anatomy was left untouched by Draco's questing tongue, and within minutes his husband was writhing against the sheets words like _please_ and _more_ and _now_ and _come_ tumbling from his lips. 

Draco finally relented, and furled his tongue before spearing it into Harry, laving sensitive inner walls as the cries moved up a notch, _fuck_ and _gods_ and _fingers_ mixing in with Harry's previous pleas to make a delicious symphony of sex-laced promises. Draco pushed his tongue as far in as he could get, smirking at the memory of Harry's spectacular orgasm after Draco had eaten a ton-tongue toffee and fucked him six ways from Sunday for his twenty-seventh birthday. Now, however, was not the time for such pleasures, and Draco winced at the desperate howl that escaped Harry's lips as he pulled out of his lover.

"Hush, I have something better."

" _Guh_!"

Summoning over the lubricant Draco deposited half the tube over his hand and thrust two fingers deep into Harry. He worked swiftly, soon building up to three flexing, stroking digits as his other hand smoothed lubricant all over the rolling pin. He'd spelled it to ensure that no splinters could come off and cause Harry harm, and the sight of the slick, glistening wood was making his cock ache. Stretching his fingers again, he slid in a fourth and heard Harry curse.

"Fuck…Draco what…you…doing?"

"Trust me, I won’t hurt you."

Harry knew that; he trusted Draco implicitly. That didn’t mean he wasn't wondering exactly what Draco was planning on that needed four-fingered stretching. The amount they fucked two would normally suffice. As Draco's fingers dragged over his prostate Harry saw stars, and began jacking his hips into the duvet, needing the delicious friction to bring him off. Just as he felt the coiled orgasm beginning to unravel, Draco's fingers left him with a _squelch_ and Harry cried real tears as he howled.

"Draco! Fucks sakes let me… _sweetmerlinonhighwhatisthat_?"

Draco smirked, and pushed the rolling pin further inside Harry, letting the brunette's sphincter close over the dip where the rounded handle met the rolling pin. He moved his slick fingers to trace the stretched entrance gently, working one finger in and using the leverage to push the widest part of the rolling pin into Harry's channel.

" _Oh Draco…oh please…_ "

Pouring more lubricant over the pin, not caring that the sheets were probably destroyed, Draco carried on pushing it in, stopping just short of the rounded handle he was holding, and then wiggling. The tensing of every muscle in Harry's back told Draco he'd found his target, and he leant to press kisses along Harry's spine as he began moving the cooking implement in and out slowly.

Harry was in heaven. The rounded handle of the pin banged against his swollen prostate rhythmically, sending sparks though his body as he whimpered into the pillow. Harry rolled his hips harder and moaned into the pillow. He should have been smarter than this; as a fully trained, battle-worn Auror with an Order of Merlin First Class, who gets paid to go into dangerous situations and not let the enemy get the upper hand, Harry should have known better. 

As his prostate was rubbed mercilessly Harry bit down on his lip and felt tears of pleasure well in his eyes. Draco in the kitchen was a dangerous situation alright, and he'd let the enemy get the upper hand. Harry gasped, and arched into the fingers trailing his spine gently.

"Can't believe...you are...doing this...to me..."

"You saw me with a rolling pin and _didn't_ realise I was going to fuck you with it? What else would I use it for?"

"Baking?"

Draco laughed, and bit down on Harry's shoulder gently as the rolling pin banged against his prostate yet again. 

"Nice try, little lion, but I wouldn't want to spoil my figure with all that raw cake mix. Besides, when have I ever made _anything_ in the kitchen?"

Harry shook his head and tried to get more of the thick wooden implement inside of him. He was so close to the edge, and knew that he wouldn't last out much more. Not knowing what Draco's plans were, he decided it was best to warn him.

"Dray…come…soon…"

"You look so fucking hot like this. Come, come for me Harry."

Draco picked up the pace of his thrusts, ramming Harry hard with the rolling pin and fisting his own cock, watching as Harry's muscles spasmed violently until a long, loud stream of words exploded from his lover – _ohfuckingmerlinonhighi'mcomingi'mgoingtosofuckinggoodgonnacomeDRACO!_ \- followed by the brunette sagging bonelessly against the pillow.

Letting go of the roiling pin, Draco knew he'd never make it inside Harry so fisted his cock violently, his other hand rolling his balls as he felt his own release building up, rushing through him and spurting all over Harry's sweaty back. Draco felt his vision blurring and collapsed along Harry's back, uncaring of the sticky mess as he was unable to hold himself up any longer. 

They lay catching their breath for long minutes before Draco had the sense to move off Harry, taking out the rolling pin carefully and massaging the feeling back into Harry's limbs as he untied them. Harry flipped onto his back and grinned up at the ceiling as Draco settled down next to him. Somehow, the hideously long and stressful day at work seemed irrelevant now.

"Draco?"

"Mmm?"

"I like your version of baking much better."

"Good, because I found a meat tenderiser that would leave such pretty patterns on that delectable ass of yours."


End file.
